Letter to Tech Support re: Horse 1.0

Dear Tech Support,
Recently I purchased and installed Horse 1.0. I soon noticed that this
program appears to have numerous glitches. For instance, every time my
computer boots up, I have to run Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. Many times I've
been in the middle of writing an important document, and Windows will
flash telling me to run Clean Stall 2.0. This program also contained
applications I did not wish to install, such as Manure 8.5, however they auto-installed
with Horse 1.0.

Applications such as Vacation 2.7 and Free Time 10.1 can
no longer run, crashing whenever selected. Possibly the worst is that Horse
1.0 has attached itself to programs like Finance Manager and MS Money,
with folders added such as "Monthly Shoeing" and "Winter Blanket".
Periodically, I'll get a reminder telling me to send a check to the manufacturer of
Horse 1.0 for the aforementioned items.

I have tried to uninstall Horse 1.0 numerous times, but when I try to run the uninstall program, I get warning messages telling me that a deadly virus known as "Withdrawal" will infect
my system. Please help!!!

Dear User,
Your complaint is not unusual. A common misconception among users is that
Horse 1.0 is a mere "utilities and entertainment program". It is not - it
is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by it's creator to run everything !
A warning will soon be imprinted on the box. Since you have already
installed Horse 1.0, here are a few tips on how to make it run better.

If you are annoyed by the applications Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1, you may run
C:\HIRE HELP, however, this will cause another folder to be added to
financial applications, labeled "Staff". Failure to send payment to
"Staff" will result in Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1 being run again on startup. A note
of caution: NOT booting up your computer for several days isn't the solution
to avoiding Feed 5.3 and Water 7.1. You will find that when you boot up
your computer again, a nasty virus called "Colic 4.2" will have attached
itself to important documents and the only way to rid your computer of
Colic 4.2 is by purchasing and installing "Vet 10.1", which we admit is
extremely expensive, but crucial. Otherwise, Colic 4.2 will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Finally, it is important that you run C:\Carrots and C:\Scratch Ears on a fairly
regular basis to keep the application running smoothly. If you have any more questions, please call our toll free number.

Sincerely, Tech Support